I’m writing to you for help.My grandson is a multi-disciplinary genius, but he is having trouble finding an artistic home. It’s not easy to locate a place that will accommodate an actor/visual artist/writer like my James. I know you don’t like cover letters, but I just want you to know that my grandbaby’s pedigree is legitimate. He has several degrees and is working on his PhD in Literature at Yale. Yale! But many people simply do not understand his wunderkindness and write very nasty things about him on the world wide webiverse. He doesn’t know that I’m writing to you- ”he would be very embarrassed to know that his Nana was “pimping him out,” as the neighborhood kids say- but I was wondering if you could include some of his work on your website? Thank you very much in advance for your consideration of his work!
Gumdrop hugs and gingerbread kisses,
More importantly, we realized that your grandson must be God’s gift to Judd Apatow and the world, James Franco!