Infallible advice from the Vatican’s very own love doctor!

Dear Pope,

My wife just told me that she likes it “rough”.  What do I do?

Sincerely,

Pat in Pittsburgh

My dearest Pat,

The primary purpose of human sexuality is for procreation.  So long as your wife remains committed to this ideal, variability within one’s sex life is permissible by Church doctrine.  Bear in mind, however, that many of the “sex toys” available today place pleasure ahead of procreative purpose, which is not to be abided.  As the secondary purpose of human sexuality is to strengthen the sacred bonds of marriage, I recommend that you discuss with your wife what each of you might prefer, and how those preferences might fit into God’s plan.  Off the top of my head, I can also recommend a game by the name of “Spanish Inquisition.”  From what I hear, nothing gets the ladies revved up for a night of sacred physical intimacy like role-playing Galileo before the Heretics’ Council!

Yours in the Eucharist,

His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI, formerly Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, Defender of the Roman Faith

Random Thought: Obesity.

Mexico is the fattest country in the world. Yes! Take that you fuckers that talk shit all the time about the United States of America, the nation which saved the Pacific Ocean and all of its islands, Britain, Africa, Italy, Asia, the Moon, pretty much Australia, Antarctica, and France, twice, from douchists in less than three years.

Think about that. Forget about Obama or a George Bush. Now think about it again.

I am still proud to be an American. And I still love McDonald’s!