Issue 5: ADOLESCENCE

ADOLESCENCE

Welcome back, pubescent Pancake-lovers!

This issue will make you stomp your foot, slam your door and wish you’d never been born into this stupid family!

Hobo Pancakes is one year old! That’s the onset of puberty, in online absurdist literary journal years. Even though we’re breaking out, stuffing our training bras and trying to hide our braces, we’ve still managed to put together a youthful mix of sophomoric stories, puerile poems and awkward art. “The Peculiar Circumstances Surrounding the (Previously) Super-Secret Travels of Geraldo Rivera Following the Taping of The Mystery of Al Capone’s Vault” takes the intrepid talk show host on an interdimensional journey that doesn’t end at Fox News. “A Meaningful Discussion with My Internal Organs” explores the impact of celiac disease on dating. “No Comment” finds managing editor Kelly Anneken exploiting America’s youth, while editor-at-large Isa Hopkins gets the scoop on Justin Beiber’s unsavory dating practices in “Smack-Talk of the Town.”

So, climb out the window after curfew, get that creepy townie to buy you some wine coolers and Marlboro Lights, and sneak a peek at the glistening, buttery goodness of Hobo Pancakes! It’ll put hair on your chest!

With adolescent sincerity,

The Hobo Pancakes Team

Letters to the Editor

No Comment
“Prolong This!”
by Kelly Anneken, managing editor

Salute Our Shorts: The News in Brief
“Boys With Boobs”
by Paul Lander
“Local Man Oddly Proud of Meaningless Award”
by James Fluty
“Karaoke Killer”
by Steven Shabo

Screams and Grumbles
“Outsource This”
by Dane Zeller
“The Russell Senior Home School Curriculum With Class Descriptions”
by Scott Oglesby

‘Graph Garden
“Sarcasm Does Not Translate Through Texts”
by Levi Gribbon
“The Oddballs”
by Barb Chandler

Annals of the Flesh
“Pussy”
by Libby Cudmore

John Pavon Zone
“Bird Man’s Bird Sitter!”
by John Pavon

Unwanted Advice
“How to Raise Children to be Selfish Little Assholes”
by Scott Erickson
“Shoplifting: the Anti-Drug”
by Tim Cushing
“Chicken and Babies”
by Dewan Gibson

The Palate Cleanser
“A Breakfast Food Revolt”
by Jack Bristow
“A Meaningful Discussion With My Internal Organs”
by Alyssa Greenberg

Articles of Faith
“When Jesus Came”
by Andrew Glasser

No, YOU’RE Fucked Up!
“Mr. Jones”
by Rita Buckley
“Personal Take on the ‘Wear Sunscreen’ Issue”
by Alexandra Magearu

Enchanted Affairs
“The Peculiar Circumstances Surrounding the (Previously) Super-Secret Travels of Geraldo Rivera Following the Taping of The Mystery of Al Capone’s Vault”
by Thomas Mundt

Department of Human Resources
“Suicide Inc.”
by Jack Bristow
“The Legend of the Mom with a Lawyer”
by Andy Simmons

The Scrotal Sector
“The 2011 Plumbers’ Calendar”
by Vanessa Weibler Paris

Department of Bad Trips
“US Route 30 East”
by Tally Brennan

Iambic Ixplosion
“Priss Miss”
by Mike Berger, PhD
“A Shitty Day in the Life”
by Michael Frissore
“Cockroaches”
by Lee Rorman
“First Poem of My Rebellion”
by Max West
“The Fishmonger’s Friend”
by Errid Farland

Smack-Talk of the Town
“Justin Bieber’s Guide to Lesbian Dating”
by Isa Hopkins, editor-at-large

Photographic Evidence
“Hot Adolescent Men & Breakfast Foods”
by Hobo Pancakes