Criminal Justice


Welcome back, plea-bargaining Pancake plaintiffs!

This issue is an overcrowded cell block full of criminally amusing content.  You’ll never find a more hilarious hive of scum and villainy anywhere on the internet.

Reach your own verdict with a jury of your peers on this gallery of probing prose and penal poetry.  “The Case of the Conservative Retirement Home Resident” examines sex and the senior citizen, “Napoleon” serves up a character study of a community volleyball league, and “Taking It in the End Zone” is one fan’s bitter reaction to the San Francisco 49ers’ new season ticket policy.  “No Comment” finds Managing Editor Kelly Anneken desperately trying to evade jury duty, and “Smack Talk of the Town” chronicles the night Editor-at-Large Isa Hopkins spent in jail.

Clear the courtroom, tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, and find yourself guilty of loving Hobo Pancakes!

With criminally just sincerity,

The Hobo Pancakes Team


No Comment

“El Camino Real”

by Kelly Anneken, managing editor


Screams & Grumbles

“Acceptable Pleas for Criminal Defendants”

by Sam Weiner

“Acceptance Speech for Being Nominated to Join the Goodwill Youth Services Curriculum Task Force Team for the 2012-2013 School Year”

by Abigail Templeton-Greene


Salute Our Shorts: The News in Brief

“List Of Five Headlines I read Too Fast and What They Really Said”

“E! Entertainment in Assoc. With Wilson School Government Announce Prime Time Special ‘U.S Cabinet Members: Hotties And Not-ties.'”

by Paul Lander


Annals of the Flesh

“Ask Papa Ratzi”
by His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI


Articles of Faith

“Bodhisattva, Baby”

by Samer Saklani


The Locker Room

“49ers New Stadium: Taking it in the End Zone”

by Danny Dechi


by Kelsey Capps


Department of Human Resources

“An Open Letter to Those Who Think I’m Mysterious, or an Asshole (or a Mysterious Asshole) For Not Being an Avid Facebook User”

by Geoff Watkinson

“Donkey Live a Long Time. None of you has Ever Seen Ethel Merman.”

by David Atkinson




by Rob Gunther


Enchanted Affairs

“Count Stroker”

by Jack Bristow


The Astral Plane

“Obits From the Future”

by Mrs. Sowerberry


The Palate Cleanser

“The Case of the Conservative Retirement Home Resident”

by Michael Fowler


Division of Infrastructure


by Jerry Guarino


No, YOU’RE Fucked Up!

“Wet One”

by Michail Mulvey


Iambic Ixplosion

“That Pepper”

by Mike Berger

“When In Rome”

by Emma Sovich

“Work of Art”

by Mike Berger


Smack-Talk of the Town

“A Night With Officer Monty”

by Isa Hopkins, editor-at-large